Counting the Cost

"I want my life to matter. 

I give it away, I give it away."

Heidi Baker

I had a dream two nights ago.

I was at this convention center and someone I was trying to impress was going to be there, but I was in a rush and didn’t get put together, so I was frustrated and didn’t feel cute.

I walked into this conference room and this little 2 or 3 year old boy walked up to me and said “I need to find my mom. Can you help me?” and as he is saying this he looks down and says he has made a mess and he is sorry. He was covered in poop and it was coming out of his diaper. And in my head I was like, “Goodness, I don’t want to get dirty.”

In that moment, it was so heavy.

I was looking at my outfit and then at this sweet little baby boy.

Back and forth, counting the cost.

Get dirty and don’t impress the guy.

Or, get dirty and help the helpless.

To a mom or to someone really awesome, this would be really easy.

No other option. Pick up the kid.

But for me, it was different.

For me, I’ve never had to decide between looking presentable and helping a dirty baby.

I literally felt myself counting the cost.

And I picked up the kid.

I held him an arms length away for a couple seconds and then turned him towards me and put him on my hip.

He was dripping with pee and poop.

I was covered and he was covered in it.

And we began the search to find his mom.

We never found her before I woke up but this dream has been playing back in my head for the last two days.

The counting the cost part is ingrained in my head.

I hope it never leaves.

I think what makes this dream so significant to me is that for the past 3-4 days I have been praying about the cost of following Jesus.

I had been telling God that He was worth everything.

That it was no sacrifice to give Him everything.

I had been sing/screaming at the top of my lungs that that I want to lay it all down.

And in this dream, I was faced with my prayers.

I know this blog isn’t a normal one.

But I pray that you would be overwhelmed with the willingness of Jesus to lay down your reputation, to lay down your titles, to lay down you proper and polished ways of living and pick up those who are covered in their own mess.

Pick up those who are helpless, the orphans, the widows, naturally and spiritually.

Get down with those who are dirty, embarrassed, weak, covered in shame.

Covered in even their own bad decisions, covered in their own consequences.

Embrace those who you see as the least.

Because God, He calls those greatest.

Embrace those, because Jesus embraced you.

Give your life away to those people.