Striving to Abide II

The thoughts of "what if" can be paralyzing.

 

 

In this short little journey of finally believing that Jesus loves me, I have stumbled upon some very simple truths that have revolutionized a lot of things I use to struggle with on the daily. 

One thing I have struggled with a lot in my past, which I know a lot of people struggle with, is insecurity. 

Insecurity can come from a million different things. 

From a father who abandons, to a friend who didn't invite you to her 5th grade birthday party, to a boy who broke up with you and started dating a girl who was skinner and more popular than you, to anything. 

Insecurities can be overwhelming. 

They can be loud.

The thoughts of "what if" can be paralyzing.

They cause us to react.

To push people away, to cling to the wrong people, to say things or not say enough, to create walls or to break healthy boundaries, to eat too much or not eat enough.

To harm our bodies.

Emotionally, physically, and spiritually.

Insecurities are exhausting. 

They are loud, echoing voices of the enemy that ring loud over the truths of the Father. 

I have battled insecurities in varying areas of my life, from my weight… to being "too much" in my personality. Always struggling to be likable and prettier in high school to being more "consecrated" in ministry school to being more "talented" in the salon industry. 

The list goes on and on. 

I could never just be content.

Always striving. 

(My last post was about this)

I'm not saying my insecurities were more or less than anyone else's, just that they were valid. As is anyone else's. Just because someone is skinny and wants to be skinnier doesn't make her insecurity "invalid", etc. 

Pain is still pain whether or not we've walked through it understandingly or not. 

So, I've struggled with several insecurities, and still am walking through them, as is everyone else. 

When I had the revelation that Jesus loved me. Before I did anything. It changed my whole world.

As the week went on of my walking through this revelation and adapting to this whole new universe, an opportunity to react because of insecurity presented itself.

Like every time before I felt it come quickly.

Checking my body and realizing I still wasn't "tiny" or "styled" quite like this new girl.

The lies I had always believed came rushing like a river.

*side note: it's a funny thing, how we listen to lies for so long that we believe them more than truths. That like a trail thats been walked down so long, people clear it down from limbs, etc and it begins to wear down and then it's clear and easy to get thorough. The same is true of our mind. We believe lies so long that they know exactly what button to push to create this river of insecurity. 

So the lies came like a river, like they have for many years.

And the door presented itself.

Here I was.

Faced with a choice.

Believe the lie. React.

Or pause.

Change the lie.

Believe that what Jesus did.

That love He poured out from His side, believe that it was enough.

That under everything. He really, really, reaaaaaally, loved me.

And then that insecurity, in one truth, gets washed away.

Insecurity is rooted in fear.

A fear of rejection.

Of "not being good enough".

But that lie is destroyed by Jesus. 

He has taken your place on the cross, put every sin on Himself, and swallowed it up. Every place in you that wasn't good enough, God, sent His Son to redeem. 

You died on that cross when you believe in Jesus's death.

He died AS you.

The not-good-enough-you died. Now you are resting IN Christ. Seated IN heaven. 

He defeated every lie. 

He is the truth. 

Jesus said that perfect love casts out all fear.

ALL FEAR is cast out by perfect love.

Perfect love is knowing Jesus loves you.

And REALLY knowing it.

In that moment I was faced with two options.

React and respond. 

Or remind myself and remain.

In a split second, I paused and reminded myself, Jesus loves me. 

I said it over and over until it really hit me.

Slowly and meditating on every word.

And all of a sudden, the stream of lies that had yelled and pointed at all my flaws, ceased.

For the first time in years, I felt consistency flow through my emotions.

Stable. 

Secure.

Loved.

 Outrageously loved and desired. 

Just simple ole me. 

Outrageously admired. 

Insecurity is a fruit of not remaining in His love.

Perfect love casts out all fear. 

Learn to remain in His love. 

And the fruit of His love is stability.

Friends, He is called the corner stone for a reason.

In His love, security is found.