under pressure

I've been feeling the pressure.

These past couple of days I’ve been really struggling in my mind with feelings of rejection, and being offended, and knowing that that’s not my identity in God, that that’s not who I am, I’ve been fighting back with scripture that I know about these things. 

And on my daily phone call with my mom this morning God reminded me of a prayer that I had prayed a couple of days ago.

I was praying and asking God to take me deeper.

Deeper in my relationship with Him, to not just “maintain” what I have, but to dig and reach another spring and then keep digging for more, to be hungry and thirsty for Him.

As I’m praying to go deeper, He begins to unfold the Ocean to me.

When in the ocean, the deeper you go, the more pressure is applied and there are places that the pressure is so great that you will die; your bones with be crushed, your lungs will be crushed.

When I say die, I mean, death in the flesh. To humble yourself, to kill your pride, to say “Lower still, Lord” to not lash out, to not hit back, to turn the other cheek, and not put up a wall of “I’m going to reject you first, so that you can’t hurt me”, but to acknowledge the pain you feel and recognize your need for Jesus.

And He began to really show me that the deeper I’m willing to go, that more pressure will be applied to me and I’ll have to die.

The liquids inside of me, or my “flesh” will fight to keep the pressure from crushing me, but it will be so great that it won’t be able to stand.

And this is very true for our walk with God, He tells us that we have to deny ourselves, take up our cross, and follow Him.

To deny our self, to be willing to go so deep that our bones and lungs are crushed and we die. Our flesh has to die. Pride, anger, jealousy, envy, bitterness, these things have to die.

To take up our cross; to deal with the pressures of this world, and handle them with all humility and love, and cling to the greatest gift to us, Jesus.

To follow Him.

Like the Ocean, the farther down you go, the darker it gets and you can no longer see. You have to be willing to follow Him, no matter the cost, no matter the fear of the unknown.

To trust that He will lead, even in the darkest, most painful moments of pressure.

Pressure is hard, but it produces the oil.

It produces the character, the love, the joy, and the true happiness.

It will kill our flesh.

It makes us see our true selves.

Often times, when I react out of pressure, I see my true heart.

And when exposed, it’s not pretty.

But it sure does bring me to utter dependence on God.

For the Blood of Jesus to wash me clean and take away every selfish desire.

There is nothing in me that is beautiful, but Jesus.

He is the beauty, the bright and morning star.

Let the pressure be applied, because when it's applied, you begin to look like Jesus.

cloudy vision

I am so pumped for fall to be here.

Obviously I’m enjoying the now, of course.

BUT CAN WE JUST SAY, 

pumpkin spiced everything, cinnamon sprinkled everything, and sweater covered everything.

Not to mention, fashion is at its all time high, the night skies are clear and the stars are begging to be looked at, and the events are beautiful; from bonfires, to camping, to all the holidays that are packaged to bring together families and friends.

I literally get so excited I can’t handle it.

I even have the urge to dress like an elf and wear Christmas colors and jewelry all winter long.

It’s slightly embarrassing. Oh well.

 





     

But, I really love this time of year because I really love the atmosphere change.

In my surrounding group of friends, we speak of “seasons” as in where you can be located spiritually in your walk with God, and sometimes Winter has a harsh connotation behind it, simply because well… it’s pretty cold and nothing bears fruit. 

(Except those random things that go unnoticed.)

But, what I realized is that the skies are clearer and the stars shine brighter than ever.

Sometimes the humidity clouds our perception of things.

We have all the moisture and “the high” of the spring/summer.

And then when it’s stripped away we have this dry and barren place in us that we have to keep sowing seeds for the next summer/spring. 

And if we’re not careful we’ll lose sight of the stars and look down and forget that they are there reminding us of Him. 

And in that place, sometimes it leaves us thinking that God has forgotten about us, but look:

 “Lift up your eyes and look to the heavens: Who created all these? He who brings out the starry host one by one and calls forth each of them by name. Because of his great power and mighty strength, not one of them is missing. “

Isaiah 40:26

Don’t be alarmed in the seasons that feel dry and barren, because that is the time that the stars come out to remind us that He who started a good work, is faithful to complete it.

p.s. Yes,  that is my roommate in a onesie. 
A leopard one.