Who are you really?
A couple weeks ago I really felt the pull to change majors
in the school I’m in.
I had been in Pastoral Leadership and felt the tug to transfer to
Performing Arts.
It was a very intense transition, to say the least.
When I was younger my mom sang this song that has to this day impacted me, it went like
this,
“Worship the Lord with your dance, girl. Worship the Lord
with your dance.
For He is Holy and worthy to be praised”.
And ever since I started ministry school last year I wanted
to do performing arts but knew I had to do Pastoral Leadership, so I went all my first year doing Pastoral Leadership and I was going to do Performing Arts my second year... until this summer when I was asked to be on a ministry team that dances. And I just assumed that all
my dancing would be outletted there.
Little did I know that God has something different up His
sleeve.
This transition was terrifying.
First of all, I haven’t danced since I was like 10 or 11.
Not with technique anyways.
Not to mention, ballet, was not my forte.
In fact, it was the only genre of dance I couldn't stand dancing to.
I end up switching to Performing Arts.
Standing there, 2 weeks late, in the middle of this
perfectly technique-filled choreographed dance... ballet dance.
I realized I was thrown in with the wolves.
Thrown in the middle of this class, with no skill, two weeks
late, and not to mention, I’m a perfectionist.
I want to know which foot goes
where, and when it goes. And maybe even WHY it goes.
My teacher, the most beautiful, free-spirited, quick
teacher. Personality type SANGUIN/CHLORIC. Fully.
Me, perfect blend of Chloric/melancholy, aka perfectionist,
order, structure, introvert.
= Mental explosion.
1 week goes by and I feel the tension of being lost, not
knowing ballet, and slightly freaking out.
Class ends and my teacher, Lindsey, is sitting being so
energetic and beautiful teasing with another student, and I walk off stage and
she runs up to me being silly and I break down.
LITERALLY. IN TEARS.
And she looks at me and says in the sweetest mommy voice,
“Ronna. Did you do your best?
(Yes ma’am) Then that’s all I want. You’ve never done ballet. And this isn’t
easy ballet. It’s okay. Breathe. And if you need, I’ll meet with you
individually. It's completely okay.”
And the pressure completely rolled off my back.
So I go home, and tell my roommate what happened.
She looks at me and says, “It reminds me of what you read me
last year. The scripture on not comparing yourself.”
Because the girls I’m dancing with, are incredibly flawless
ballerinas.
Fast forward about 2 hours.
I’m upstairs in my room, praying, talking to God and I say,
“God, why do I want to be perfect all the time? What is this about? Why do I get frustrated when trying to learn?”
His response,
“Because it’s about you being seen.”
My heart felt like it stopped.
I couldn’t believe (but really, I could) how I could be so
concerned with myself.
And He goes on to say,
“How would you dance if it was just me and you in the world?
How would you dress? How would you do your makeup? How would WE talk? What
would it be like if you had no ones quiet time to compare yours to? No one else’s
“end product” to determine how you start? What would that be like?”
I began to think about it and an explosion of answers.
“It’d be fearless. We’d talk all the time. I’d dress
outlandish. I’d be so free.”
He responds, “That’s who you really are.”
That is my question for you;
What would YOU be like, if "you" had no restrictions?
