"I hope that at the heart of whatever you are looking for;
you find Jesus there."
Today I got my oil changed with my mum.
While we waited for some chairs to open up (because they were so busy), we sat outside on the sidewalk just enjoying talking and when the chairs opened up inside, we came in and were sitting there laughing and cutting up as we normally do.
After an hour of waiting, it ended up being just me and my mom and the two other fella’s who were working inside.
My mom had just grabbed her keys, paid, and walked out and now I was paying for mine.
Out of the blue, one of the older gentleman that was working, who hadn’t been very talkative because he was working asked me a question.
He said, “Have you and your mom always been so close?”
To which I was so taken off guard and was like,
“Yeah, she’s my bestfriend. Her and my dad both”.
He continued by saying, “Have y’all always been this close or did you guys ever have any hard times?”
I was thinking about my mom and I’s relationship and was thinking how crazy it was to have such an interesting question asked.
I didn’t even know what to say because all that was running through my head was how my mom and I’s relationship has been pretty great since forever.
Now, we had arguments and whatnot. But when we did, we instantly felt convicted, apologized or further explained our side, and then watched Dr. Phil or a hallmark movie like normal.
Yet, in that moment all I could think about was how it was only because of God that we had such a great relationship.
Conviction is such a gift from Holy Spirit to guide us into repentance and then to bring reconciliation between us and God (and even the person on the other end of whatever it is.)
Without Jesus, conviction is kicked against (for the majority) and mowed over until the conscience is seared and a response is no longer considered.
Because Jesus is the truth (He is the way, the Truth, and the Life. John 14:16)
Without Him, truth is relative.
So how I respond isn’t led by love, it doesn’t have a standard to hold me up to.
It’s just whatever happens, happens.
It’s the “follow whatever feels right” quote.
Without Jesus, my response doesn’t have the Word of God to lead me, but what does lead; is my emotions, my circumstances, the car in front of me that cut me off, the food I got that was terrible, the boy that I liked who dumped me, the etc, etc, etc.
If I didn’t have Jesus, I wouldn’t know that dying to myself feels like living.
If I didn’t have Jesus, I wouldn’t know that admitting I was wrong, makes me right.
Maybe not “right” in opinion, but in “right standing” with whomever I admitted my wrongs to.
If I didn’t have Jesus, I wouldn’t know that loving myself doesn’t come from acceptance from constant changing things around me but front a constant standing Father who said from the beginning that He chose me.
If I didn’t have Jesus, I wouldn’t know how to love people when things are really hard.
Without Jesus, life is bleak, painful, and empty. Sure, there a small moments of happiness, but theres not lasting joy even in deep struggles. Theres not a reason to hope in the middle of excruciating pain.
In the middle of abuse, loss, rejection, abandonment theres nothing to cling to. Relationships aren’t worth fighting for, brokenness isn’t worth admitting, and purity isn’t rewarded but mocked.
Without Jesus, having a relationship with your mom is hard.
But with Jesus, I’ve learned to embrace the hard moments and do my best to lean in to whatever He's teaching me in the moment, even if the embracing looks like crying.
Sometimes embracing following Jesus is hard, but it's so worth it.
“I have learned to kiss the waves that throw me up against the Rock of Ages.”
Charles Spurgeon
