under pressure

I've been feeling the pressure.

These past couple of days I’ve been really struggling in my mind with feelings of rejection, and being offended, and knowing that that’s not my identity in God, that that’s not who I am, I’ve been fighting back with scripture that I know about these things. 

And on my daily phone call with my mom this morning God reminded me of a prayer that I had prayed a couple of days ago.

I was praying and asking God to take me deeper.

Deeper in my relationship with Him, to not just “maintain” what I have, but to dig and reach another spring and then keep digging for more, to be hungry and thirsty for Him.

As I’m praying to go deeper, He begins to unfold the Ocean to me.

When in the ocean, the deeper you go, the more pressure is applied and there are places that the pressure is so great that you will die; your bones with be crushed, your lungs will be crushed.

When I say die, I mean, death in the flesh. To humble yourself, to kill your pride, to say “Lower still, Lord” to not lash out, to not hit back, to turn the other cheek, and not put up a wall of “I’m going to reject you first, so that you can’t hurt me”, but to acknowledge the pain you feel and recognize your need for Jesus.

And He began to really show me that the deeper I’m willing to go, that more pressure will be applied to me and I’ll have to die.

The liquids inside of me, or my “flesh” will fight to keep the pressure from crushing me, but it will be so great that it won’t be able to stand.

And this is very true for our walk with God, He tells us that we have to deny ourselves, take up our cross, and follow Him.

To deny our self, to be willing to go so deep that our bones and lungs are crushed and we die. Our flesh has to die. Pride, anger, jealousy, envy, bitterness, these things have to die.

To take up our cross; to deal with the pressures of this world, and handle them with all humility and love, and cling to the greatest gift to us, Jesus.

To follow Him.

Like the Ocean, the farther down you go, the darker it gets and you can no longer see. You have to be willing to follow Him, no matter the cost, no matter the fear of the unknown.

To trust that He will lead, even in the darkest, most painful moments of pressure.

Pressure is hard, but it produces the oil.

It produces the character, the love, the joy, and the true happiness.

It will kill our flesh.

It makes us see our true selves.

Often times, when I react out of pressure, I see my true heart.

And when exposed, it’s not pretty.

But it sure does bring me to utter dependence on God.

For the Blood of Jesus to wash me clean and take away every selfish desire.

There is nothing in me that is beautiful, but Jesus.

He is the beauty, the bright and morning star.

Let the pressure be applied, because when it's applied, you begin to look like Jesus.