Value

I’ve always liked people who are confident.

Confidence is something that everyone wants in somebody, because confidence by definition is “sureness”.

Confidence looks a lot like people who know their value.

    

I have been on this journey learning about relationships for a couple months now, and I am by no means walking in complete freedom in these things, but by the Grace of God I’m definitely closer than I was yesterday.

I had a conversation with a friend of mine a few days ago about him liking this girl, and I was sharing with him about how to let down his guard and show her love, but to not place his value in her hands.

Because of this rocky place I’ve been walking through, I’ve learned that my whole life I’ve placed my value in others hands and let them determine my value; how they can take some of it, or add to it.

It’s an absolutely horrible thing to do.

Value by definition is the regard that something is held to deserve; the importance, worth, or usefulness of something.

When we place our value in someone else’s hands, outside of Gods, we give them the “center” of us, we give them control over us. They can kick the chair out from under us, or they can add some books for us to stand on to get a little taller.

That is a very scary and unbalanced place to be, never knowing and always seeking for approval of people.

When you give people your value, you give them the right to determine your worth, and people cannot determine your worth because they have not paid the price for you. Only God can.

It’s hard, relearning to not place value in someone else’s hand, and to place it into God’s hand.

I think the reason it’s hard because we don’t know God very well.

But that’s the thing, that’s the part where we have to try; we can’t just half do it.

Getting to know whom God says He is, and who He says that we are is so rewarding.

Not only will we know who He is, but also because we know what He says about who we are, we can know how He values the people around us.

And then we will no longer be striving for approval, or affirmation.

But, we can fully be ourselves, all while resting in the approval of our Father.

And one of the hardest things to do, is to still value someone who has de-valued you for so long. But it doesn't de-value you to value them. Honestly, if value could be added to (which is can't, because God will always value you the same) it would make you more valuable. 

Its like that quote, "A flower does not compete to the flower next to it, it just blooms."

I think its time to just bloom without the fear of man taking away, or adding to.

Just bloom with the value of the Fathers love for you. 

Power

It's interesting how when we go through something that causes us to be vulnerable, we feel weak. 

I mean, at least for me. 

For so long I had been that sarcastic, hard-hearted person who would hold everything inside until the boiling point. Until one particular season in my life, when God began to show me some of my character defects. Which after praying crazy bold prayers asking God to show me my heart, I should've been more prepared for the dirtiness of it. But, I wasn't. 
In this season, I had to deal with a lot, but one thing that really changed me from the whole season was that from a past relationship I was in, the guy wasn't ever really honest with me about anything, and because of it I had basically promised myself that in any other relationship, friendships, family, boys, any of them. I would be 100% honest. About everything. As uncomfortable as it is. I would just bear the terribly awkward moment and do it. Forever. 

So, in this past relationship that I have just gotten out of or whatever you call it, 
I've been dealing with feeling weak, or seeming weak to others. 
And I definitely believe it's because to be vulnerable, calls for humility, and humility is seen as "weak" in this day and age. Which is so sad, because when we're vulnerable, it creates clarity. 
There is no more confusion in any situation. It's all out on the table. All the cards are on the table. The guessing game is over. And clarity brings freedom. We all desire freedom. But until we're able to be humble enough to be vulnerable, we will always cage ourselves in and be slaves to our own minds, battles of confusion, and even insecurity from lack of knowledge. 

So in this awful place of feeling weak, the Holy Spirit began to remind me of this scripture that I had been rolling around in my head for a week or two, 
For God has not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.  2 Timothy 1:7

Don't be scared to be honest with people. Don't be afraid to be vulnerable. 
Because we have not been given a spirit of fear. 

But of power. 
To not feel weak. It is a tactic of  the enemy to cause us to feel weak. 
Love. 
To love outrageously without fear. Love is worth every ounce of pain. 
And a sound mind. 
Vulnerability creates clarity. 
Don't allow the enemy to clog your mind. 
God is not a God of confusion, but of order.

Vulnerability is worth it. I promise. 

Silverlining

    

Sometimes it’s not a long, profound, eloquently written paragraph.

Sometimes it’s just one sentence.

Sometimes it’s just one phrase.

Sometimes just one word.

Sometimes one word is all we need to see the silver lining,

One word.

Today, mine just happens to be a sentence.

“I follow close to You; Your right hand holds on to me.”

Psalms 63:8

Sledgehammer

I have been reading this book called Dealing With the Praise and Rejection of Man this past week and there is this paragraph that talks about rejection, and how when we’ve been wounded by rejection we start to gamble with every relationship, to see if it’s “worth the pain” that it could hypothetically cause.

It was crazy how relevant it it was to the circumstance that I was in; I just had a falling out with a guy that I really liked. And without realizing it, I was gambling in my head and my heart for 8 months to see if it was worth the hypothetical pain, etc that relationships cause.

And the moment my walls were finally worn down enough to fall, I decided it was worth the risk, and well, it didn’t end up how I had hoped.

I definitely don’t blame him, though. I don’t know how much I’d be willing to pound on walls and get denied time after time.

But, I began to read this book.

It brought so much light to the walls I had built and how this particular situation was an opportunity where I could either build some new walls, or I could get a sledgehammer and start some serious remodeling.

I had been trapped in these walls for too long, so I picked Project Demolition.

And I began this healing process.

It has been the most freeing, and beautiful experience that I’ve ever gone through.

It has thrown me into a crazy deep level with the Father that I wouldn’t have even been able to reach without brokenness. And I sure wouldn’t have been able to begin to touch it with walls up.

Walls are prisons that we build around ourselves in hope to protect ourselves.

When in reality, they block us from ever touching the things our very beings long for—love.

I’m tired of being trapped in; its time to grab our sledgehammers.

Its time to be vulnerable.

Stumblin' into a dream

There is a moment in every ones life; I think multiple moments, actually.

Where we step outside of reality and dream of giant things we hope that we get to conquer someday.

 

For instance, a few days ago I had lunch with an old friend from beauty school, and we were just sharing what had been going on for the past two years and she was talking about how she wanted to adopt or foster teenagers. Which is impossible for her to do right now (without favor from God, and favor with some people at the top of the food chain, so to speak.)

She said things like, “Ronna, I know I’m supposed to be an activist. I’ve always been one. I have always been the one fighting for people who can’t stand up for themselves” with tears swelling up in her eyes.

These are not dreams we pull from someone else who has given a motivational speech one day in high school.

These are dreams that hook us so deep when we talk about them we feel like they are touchable, the moment the mouth is opened to express it, it becomes envisioned in the room around us.

Its like the movie Cinderella, when everyone is making her dress for the ball—mice and all—the mice get on lamps to hold the thread while the others slide down the thread like firemen with pearls to do strands for jewelry and the birds are flying in diagonals around them to make bows.

When I share my dreams, I feel like that’s almost happening around the room.

It no longer feels like it’s just mine, but now it’s as if the world around me caught hold, and embraces every angle, the sun stays out longer, the stars shine brighter, the wind blows stronger.

And I talk as fast as I can, because for some reason when I share my dreams, I can’t get it out fast enough.

One thing God has been showing me lately about my dreams is that sometimes when we start out going after them, we sometimes forget to ask Him what to do next, and end up doing what someone else does because it’s what we have seen.

But, that is not satisfying at all. The most satisfying thing in life is to say yes to whatever God asks. And not think about the consequences that follow.

Obviously if He hasn’t given direction, before you move forward you count the cost of whatever it is you are doing and always make sure to follow peace, or as some call it, your conscience. If you feel uneasy, step back, and say no.

But if He speaks first, always say Yes.

Without a second thought.

 Because, with Him, you can’t fail.

He likes when we ask impossible prayers, like the one my friend has to pray to be able to adopt. 

Those are His favorite kind of prayers.

Because only He can get the glory.

He rightfully desires all of it, any ways.