Bottle

When we allow circumstances inside of us, they affect us.

 

I had a conversation with one of my best friends today and in the conversation she was telling me about a very horrible and traumatizing thing from her past that she’d found out about.  

While she was talking about it she was sharing about how hurt and mentally defeated she felt.

I told her something and I knew I had to share it,

Here was my response,

“Honestly, does it change who you are? 

Does it affect where you’re going in your future? 

Does it affect your relationship with the Lord? 

Does it mean you’ve been given an excuse to put off changing the world with the Gospel?

NO. 

It doesn’t. 

You forgive and move forward. 

As Todd White says, ‘you can’t afford to have a bad day.’ 

There is a generation of people depending upon you. 

You FIGHT. 

Even when you don’t feel like it.

Even when you don’t want to.

Even when you’ve been through Hell.

You know that circumstances don’t change that He is good and never changing.

You’re not subject to your mind and emotions. 

They are subject to you. ”

It’s a beautiful thing, how sometimes the Lord says something through us that we didn’t even know was in us. How a lot of the times, for me anyways, I’ll be mid-sentence while getting the revelation of what just came out of my mouth.

But we need to know this.

It may be a horribly shaking experience or circumstance, but only when we allow them inside of us does it get ugly.

It’s like the messages in the bottle that get thrown into the sea for someone to find and read. They pass through the entire ocean; salt, mold, seaweed, fish, garbage, algae, and all the things that the ocean contains, but if it’s sealed, the message never gets affected at all.

The same is true of us; we can be thrown somewhere overwhelming in the middle of horrid circumstances and they don’t have to affect us.

Only when we drink in the things around us do they affect us.

We don’t have to drink in the algae or the seaweed.

We don’t have to be moved.

We have been given the choice.

David said, 

"He only is my rock and my salvation, My stronghold; I shall not be greatly shaken." Psalm 62:2

Solomon said, 

"When the whirlwind passes, the wicked is no more, But the righteous has an everlasting foundation."

Proverbs 10:25

And Isaiah said, 

"The steadfast of mind You will keep in perfect peace, Because he trusts in You."

Isaiah 26:3

Choose steadfastness, choose joy, choose not to be affected by the storms that surround.

Jesus is consistent. 

Jesus is good. 

He's good,

every single time.

Sense of Humor

This past month, like the New Year tradition calls for, I made New Year’s Resolutions. 

Or, things I’m really just simply believing and praying to happen this year.

That list, I’ll share later on, but let me start off with a little bit of craziness that has been happening.

Photography by Abigail Williams

This past month I’ve really been struggling with some deep soul issues.

I’ve been dealing with the monsters of jealousy, envy, and bitterness… that family of issues.

And it’s all been internal, for the most part.

Those thoughts that aren’t yours but you still have to fight them and speak the truth over your mind, that kind of thing.

Internal.

Until one day I began to make remarks and sarcastic insults.

Word vomit to the utmost.

I know, I know, totally rude. It is not who I am, it was horrible.

But, for whatever reason, I was. 

And then yesterday my roommate Brittnie and our friend Mariah were doing this thing where we all sit around and share with each other things we see in each other that could be adjusted or cut off, etc. To better ourselves.

And in the middle of this Share Circle I ended up just getting it all out on the table and exposed this horrible monster I had been dealing with internally.

What was so crazy was I truly wanted to honor and respect this person but because of the envy and selfishness of my own heart I was putting up this wall that was affecting even my relationship with God.

Which is ultimately what brought me to this exposing of this monster to begin with.

But what happened next was crazy. 

I had let a seed into my heart and it began to grow until there wasn’t any more space. 

It was either the giant plant or me. 

So obviously I got a shovel and began to do some deep soul searching.

The scriptures about husband’s prayers being hindered because of lack of honor to their wives (1 Peter 3:7) began to be highlighted to me. 

And the same concept is true in Mark 11:25 where Jesus says, “And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.”

So last night after all this occurred, I ended up reading Ephesians before bed, it was late and I normally don’t stay up late, but I felt like I was supposed to, so I got out Old Faithful and started skimming through Ephesians to see if there was something that stood out to me, and that’s when I came across Ephesians 5.

The first two verses, “1Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. 2 And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God."

Our lives are supposed to follow His. 

Which led me to ask myself:

How do I walk without envy or pride?

 Sacrificial love. 

By choosing someone over my own self.

It is humbling, humiliating, hard, and uncomfortable.

You may feel like you deserve to be patted on the back or recognized, or you might believe you’re right, you might even BE right, but what is being right if there is no one to share being right with?  

It’s hard to be selfless, it’s hard to respect when someone is being dishonoring to you, and it’s hard to do things when we don’t want to.

But, we are to be imitators of Christ, walking in love and giving ourselves up.

Now, I’m not sharing this because I have it all down perfect.

 In fact, far from it.

I just am sharing it because when I opened up my bible this morning my resolutions fell out and one stared back at me, “Grace to do hard things”.

God’s sense of humor sometimes.

Ha.

Outfit: 

Dress- Free People

Necklace & Bracelets- Forever 21

MICAIAH WESLER: TESTIMONY

My life started out pretty normal.  

I come from a middle class home.  

I’m a preacher’s kid.  

My parents did everything to the best of their ability to raise my brothers and I in the right way.  

They helped us memorize scriptures, they helped us get through school and deal with any problems.  

My home life was everything that a person could ask for.  

But for some reason I could never shake this feeling that I just didn’t fit in with everyday normal people.  

I got along with everybody but I didn’t exactly fit in with anyone.

After a long series of events through out high school, I finally was introduced to a thing called “straight edge.”  

In January of 2006 I began to claim edge and things took a positive turn.

From there I got introduced to the hardcore and metal scene.  

This is where I fit in.  

It was raw, it was heavy and it was tough, but it was real.  

Everything I knew before felt fake, but this was real.  

In fact, in my area, if you were fake and came to a show, you would get called out and generally got hit in the face a few times until you left. 

If you weren’t real then don’t bother talking to me.  

That’s how it went, and I loved it! 

I started hanging out with a tight knit group of street kids in the next town over and we started kicking’ it all day every day.  

We became like brothers.  

They practically raised themselves and did whatever they wanted due to their parents being drug addicts. 

I felt at home on the streets with these dudes.  

We were closer to each other than we were to our own families.  

They had always had to fight for what they were given and that made them… well… fighters.

Up until now in life I had been scared of any confrontation, but after hanging with these fellas, that went away pretty quickly.  

I suddenly was confident and knew that I could fight for the ones that I loved.  

I fought for my brothers and they fought for me. 

We weren’t scared of anything.  

For the first time in my life... I wasn’t scared of anything.  

At one point I was threatened (over the phone) to be shot the next time he saw me because I believed in God.  

(I may or may not have overheard this guy going off about Christians and I may or may not have had some choice words.  I shut him up in the moment but apparently he was holding a grudge) 

I knew his threat wasn’t idle.  

All I said was, “Well I guess I’ll see you there then.”  I had no fear.

There were many pinnacles during this season, some good, some bad.  

I remember a drunk man getting stomped to death at a show 2 feet away from me and 

I felt no remorse whatsoever.  

I had moments of being covered in the blood of the person I had just fought and laughing about it.  I was not only fearless… I was numb.

I continued this lifestyle of violence into college and only slowed down after threat of being imprisoned for 5 years minimum for being part of a major brawl where we put a few kids in the hospital and totaled their new truck by taking skateboards and bats to it.  

Finally, God apparently had enough of this.  

Out of nowhere in my college dorm hallway,

God just said, very bluntly, “You’re a hypocrite.” 

This is the one thing that would hurt me enough to shake me awake.  

I hate hypocrisy.  

Hypocrites are a waste of my time.  

Yet I had become the very thing that I hated.  

I was a hypocrite.  

I claimed Christianity but I lived worse than most atheists.

Finally God had my attention.  

Through college God began to draw me and deliver me from anger and rage.  

I began to notice my confidence shift from my own strength and ability to fight to relying on God’s strength and ability to fight.  

My love for real music with depth shifted to a love of real worship with depth.  

He softened my heart more than I can say and He invited me into an understanding of what true intimacy is like with Him.  

The thought of being able to know God intimately often moves me to tears.  

Do I still have tough tendencies?  Yes.  

I hate hypocrisy more than I care to talk about and it drives me to be the most real Christian that a person could possibly be.  

He took me from hate to love.  

From violence against people, to violence against what keeps people bound.  

And for that, I can never repay Him.

Q&A:

What was your hardest thing to overcome in your fresh walk with God? People not understanding why I was so intense about God. My intensity and go hard mentality transferred over fully into Christianity. So when I ran, I ran with everything I had. I've never done anything halfway. When I gauged my ears, I was going to get them to inch and a quarter. Nothing small for me. So when I caught on fire for God I went hard and it offended a lot of complacent Christians who thought that what I was saying and doing for God was unnecessary and not wanted. I haven't slowed down still and I just got hooked up with people who can keep up. How did you go about cutting ties with old friends?

God never had me to give them up, actually. I know it may seem surprising based off of some of the things I mentioned in the testimony but they were a much more positive influence on me than negative. In the testimony, I highlighted some of the negative pinnacle moments of that period of my life where I realized that something was wrong between myself and God, but ultimately, the good things that they taught me in that season far outweighed the bad. Those guys taught me things for life that nobody else could have taught me. Courage, honor, respect, trust, loyalty, putting the ones you love before your own life… They showed me what real friends looked like. Over time and distance and normal life we have all gone our own ways but are still in touch every once in a while to catch up. For the most part we are all still connected on some level. They are all good dudes and we all made dumb choices in that period of our lives and now that we are older, we have all matured a lot. But honestly, with these friends and brothers, the good far outweighed the bad, so God never put it on me to give them up, and I’m very thankful for that. They know how I was, and they see how I am now after encountering God. That’s a real life testimony that you can’t really get around logically. They may think it’s crazy, but there is no doubt an evident change in me. How did your family handle you going through this process? 

I know it put stress on my family. But they didn't know anything that I was doing until I told them everything a year ago. They didn't seem too surprised when I told them because they knew I was running around and being stupid. But they never knew to what extent. I know they were praying for sure though. There's no doubt about that. Have you talked to/apologized to people from your past and how did that go if so?

I have apologized to most of my old friends at one point or another when God led me to do it. I apologized for being a hypocrite. For showing them what a fake Christian looks like. And I told them that God is real and that He has changed me in a real way. True to form we are all still pretty hard headed. But I know it meant something to apologize for my past hypocrisies. I claimed Christianity and lived like I came from Hell. And no doubt it drove them farther from God. I've wept over it and I've apologized. I am still believing for them to turn to God. What did overcoming anger look like for your walk?

It looked like learning what true love is. I got delivered from anger through people laying hands on me and praying and God knocking that stuff off of me. But over the course of the years that I have been burning for God, the majority of what He has taught me has been about real love. It's different than what I thought it was. I learned a lot about kindness and patience and gentleness and preferring other people's feelings over my own. I learned how to lay down my life for other people so that they can excel even if it means that I don't get to excel along with them. When it comes to anger... I'm the exact opposite from what I used to be. I have more patience with people than I ever thought possible. It has actually become difficult to make me angry and I have found that I get angry maybe once a year now. And I've learned how to hold my tongue and treat others in love in those moments even when I'm angry. I always get it resolved quickly and move on without a grudge.

How did the process go? 

I got delivered by the mighty hand of God. And my mind and soul got healed by the washing of the water of the Word. He poured His love into me and that was the end of it. His love is way more powerful than fear or anger and if you experience His love even once then all you will want to do for the rest of your life is get other people to experience that same Love that forever changed you. That's all that matters. His love is the answer for everything.

Christmas Eve

"I thought you looked like Christmas morning."

I love Christmas. 

Many, many reasons.

One, most obviously, because of Jesus.

It's all about Him.

Period.

But two,

because of family.

I have been blessed with the most wonderful family.

Now, we're all human.

We say sarcastic things, get short with one another, roll our eyes, and yell by default.

But at the end of the day, we all regret the comments we let slip, and have to get over ourselves and admit we were wrong. 

A lot.

When really, we all just want someone to hold, someone to hug, someone to kiss, and someone to listen and understand. 

We all want someone that we love and that loves us in return.

In the middle of our ugliest and most beautiful state. 

It's what Christmas is to me, 

At the end of the day, the crazy aunt, the weird uncle, and the annoying cousins really aren't that bad. 

In fact, they are good. 

It may not always seem "enjoyable" at the moment,

but when you look around on Christmas day (or whenever you get together to celebrate) and silence all the noise (because it's always super loud) it kind of looks like a hallmark movie. 

I mean, there are the exceptions, sometimes it looks like "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" or maybe even "Madea's Family Reunion".

But that's what makes it so amazing.

I think sometimes, a lot, we take these crazy people for granted.

I hope this Christmas that you silence the noise and look around to see whatever movie fits your family and realize, they may be crazy, but if you just hug them when they are yelling, you'll just end up laughing and get over the issues that are causing the yelling anyways.

Merry Christmas Eve. 

Outfit:
"Epic Weekend" shirt - H&M
 Black Joggers - Forever 21
Black boot wedges - Steve Madden
Black beanie - Forever 21
Oversized green & black cardigan - Forever 21
Black purse - Betsy Johnson 

Willing

Jesus replied, "You don't understand now what I am doing, but someday you will." 

John 13:7

A couple nights ago my 19 month old nephew was climbing on this little chair and he was trying to get over it and ended up all tangled up in it, and all while watching him I said to his mom, 
“If only he would’ve listened to you, it would’ve been so much easier for him to get off of that”.
And as fast as it came out of my mouth I could hear the Holy Spirit saying it to me. 

How often do I ignore the direction God has given me about something and end up getting stuck and crying for Him to help me in the process?  

How often do we reroute the directions He’s given us and then expect the results His would produce?

Or how often do we end up doing something that He never said to do and complain about how He isn’t showing up to intervene on our behalf?  

I can remember relationships in my life that I knew God didn’t want me in, that I ended up orchestrating my way into, and the aftermath that my disobedience would cause was always a hurt person, because eventually I was so spiritually unsettled I couldn’t be with them anymore.

I’ll never know what opportunity I missed because of disobedience.

Obedience is a simple key that opens so many doors for God to move in.

Think about this; if you would be obedient from the beginning, you would walk right into someone who may be needing healing, and because of you being in the right place at the right time, they would get healed because you listened to the Fathers voice which directed you straight to them.

How often does our disobedience cause opportunity to be put off until another moment?

Father, give us clean hearts that desire obedience, willing spirits to obey, open our ears to hear You speak, and give us Your eyes. We desire to desire You. Let the bones you’ve broken in us rejoice. Those things you’ve asked us to get rid of… help us do away with them. Those places you’ve touched and we’ve jerked back in pain, let us trust Your hand to heal those open wounds. Let us hold those dark places up to You as an offering at Your feet. Expose us and bring us to Your light again. We desire You, and You alone. Give us new hearts. Your heart.