Sense of Humor

This past month, like the New Year tradition calls for, I made New Year’s Resolutions. 

Or, things I’m really just simply believing and praying to happen this year.

That list, I’ll share later on, but let me start off with a little bit of craziness that has been happening.

Photography by Abigail Williams

This past month I’ve really been struggling with some deep soul issues.

I’ve been dealing with the monsters of jealousy, envy, and bitterness… that family of issues.

And it’s all been internal, for the most part.

Those thoughts that aren’t yours but you still have to fight them and speak the truth over your mind, that kind of thing.

Internal.

Until one day I began to make remarks and sarcastic insults.

Word vomit to the utmost.

I know, I know, totally rude. It is not who I am, it was horrible.

But, for whatever reason, I was. 

And then yesterday my roommate Brittnie and our friend Mariah were doing this thing where we all sit around and share with each other things we see in each other that could be adjusted or cut off, etc. To better ourselves.

And in the middle of this Share Circle I ended up just getting it all out on the table and exposed this horrible monster I had been dealing with internally.

What was so crazy was I truly wanted to honor and respect this person but because of the envy and selfishness of my own heart I was putting up this wall that was affecting even my relationship with God.

Which is ultimately what brought me to this exposing of this monster to begin with.

But what happened next was crazy. 

I had let a seed into my heart and it began to grow until there wasn’t any more space. 

It was either the giant plant or me. 

So obviously I got a shovel and began to do some deep soul searching.

The scriptures about husband’s prayers being hindered because of lack of honor to their wives (1 Peter 3:7) began to be highlighted to me. 

And the same concept is true in Mark 11:25 where Jesus says, “And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.”

So last night after all this occurred, I ended up reading Ephesians before bed, it was late and I normally don’t stay up late, but I felt like I was supposed to, so I got out Old Faithful and started skimming through Ephesians to see if there was something that stood out to me, and that’s when I came across Ephesians 5.

The first two verses, “1Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. 2 And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God."

Our lives are supposed to follow His. 

Which led me to ask myself:

How do I walk without envy or pride?

 Sacrificial love. 

By choosing someone over my own self.

It is humbling, humiliating, hard, and uncomfortable.

You may feel like you deserve to be patted on the back or recognized, or you might believe you’re right, you might even BE right, but what is being right if there is no one to share being right with?  

It’s hard to be selfless, it’s hard to respect when someone is being dishonoring to you, and it’s hard to do things when we don’t want to.

But, we are to be imitators of Christ, walking in love and giving ourselves up.

Now, I’m not sharing this because I have it all down perfect.

 In fact, far from it.

I just am sharing it because when I opened up my bible this morning my resolutions fell out and one stared back at me, “Grace to do hard things”.

God’s sense of humor sometimes.

Ha.

Outfit: 

Dress- Free People

Necklace & Bracelets- Forever 21