Boldness of a lion

"How bold one gets when sure of being loved."

Photography by Abigail Williams 

Last Wednesday night I had a crazy dream.

In the first part of my dream I was in my car, and others around me from my school were in their cars as well. Our cars were protecting us from this storm, and I looked outside of my car and noticed a couple at my school, and I thought, “They are so cute”.

My dream changed,

And I’m standing in this huge, tacky, pale-yellow room.

And there is this stage, which is taking up half the room, and there is no one on the floor but everyone is standing on this stage... around 80 people.

As we’re all on this stage, I have the microphone and I’m praying.

I feel in my dream that I’m supposed to pray that there would be a shift in the atmosphere of the nations.   

So I start to pray that, and when I get to the word shift… it’s like everyone and everything on earth and Heaven yells SHIFT at the same time.

Then I look up in my dream and there is this commotion across the stage with this little boy (Probably 10-12 y/o) and groups of people are pulling him along with them.

And since I’m praying, I’ve decided to not pay much attention because I didn’t want to lose my train of thought.

But, as I glance at the boy, I’m all of a sudden standing right in front of him.

And his face starts to distort (I’ve seen way too many scary movies in my past) and I know I’m supposed to cast out a demon.

But I’m paralyzed in fear and lacking confidence to do anything.

I wake up and feel a weighty presence holding me down to my bed.

And I’ve felt this before and I know that the only thing that makes it leave is Jesus. 

So I start declaring His name and His blood out loud.

So, I did that until it left.

When I came to reality I text my mom (it was 3 AM) and she actually responded saying she was awake and had just been praying about a situation that I had been struggling with.

And in my dream, I know that I couldn’t cast out this demon because I had lost my confidence because of this particular struggle.

So that was a horrifying dream.

A NIGHTMARE.

The next weekend, we have a conference at my church.

And the last night of conference, Sean Smith, an incredible speaker, comes and shares this encounter he has back in his beginning years as a minister with this kid possessed by a demon.

Totally horrifying since I had just had this dream 3 days beforehand.

So the next day (Sunday) I’m doing one of my friends hair, and my mom, my roommate and her friend is over, and we’re all just having a good time.

My neighbor, who also is my school mate comes knocking on my door.

I open it and she goes, 

“Ronna, can I talk to you?” 

in the most fearful shaky voice I’ve ever heard.

And I’m thinking, oh okay, she must have a family issue or something like that and just needs some advice.

And I start to walk out the door and as I do she grabs my hand and is like 

“I need you to go into my apartment”.

I stop dead in my tracks and say “WHY?”

And all I can think of is I’m about to die.

She is literally going to lock me in her apartment and kill me.

Because, she is crying, shaking, scared, and I don’t know why.

I don’t know what’s in her apartment.

And I am 100% NOT going in there.

All I know is she is ATTEMPTING TO MAKE me go in this apartment and she’s all distraught.

I'm walking into my death. 

That's all i'm thinking.

I"M TERRIFIED.

Finally she calms down enough to explain to me what was going on, she begins to explain that God had been giving her a lot of revelation in spiritual warfare. 

And how she had seen a dark figure pass her in her apartment and was trying to make it leave but it wouldn’t and she asked God why it wouldn’t leave and He told her to go and get me.

So I’m freaking out at this point.

After my dream, Sean Smith's sermon, and now this.

She has me shaking about as intensely as she is.

And I even mention to her that I could go grab my mom and get some backup.

But I knew in my spirit that I couldn’t, that God wanted me to do it.

So I looked at her and scared to death on the inside said, 

“Before I go get anyone, I’m going to pray for you and break fear.”

And I begin to pray and the moment I declared that perfect love casts out all fear, tangible peace filled the air.

I physically felt the atmosphere change.

Boldness rose up and I was like,

 “Okay, lets go.”

So we started to walk to her front door and it was shut, and a small dose of fear started to creep back on me and I stopped at the door and started to declare every prayer I could think of. 

Rebuking every demon, sending out every angel, pleading the blood of Jesus.

But as I did, I could feel the Holy Spirit roaring like a lion inside of me.

I felt Holy Spirit boldness rise up inside me.

And we walked in her apartment and started to declare and pray in the Holy Spirit.

As we’re praying I look towards her back door, and I see this dark round shadow go out her back door.

I continue to pray and claim the Kingdom of God in her apartment and the whole entire atmosphere changes immediately.

And there was one statement I made while praying that stood out to me; 

I said, 

“How dare you mess with the children of God?”

And when I said it, it shot through me like electricity.

Even thinking of it today all I could think about was this quote,

“How bold one gets when sure of being loved.”

That was what happened in that apartment.

When you rest in the fact that God is for you, God is your Father, you are His, He is yours, He’s given you everything you need, He’s given you all authority, He’s with you and IN you, the Lion, Alpha and Omega is IN YOU, the Holy Spirit is INSIDE YOU.

Boldness just bubbles out like a flood.

But not because of anything I did or will ever do, 

but because of everything HE is.

He is the true God.

He is the ONLY God.

He is the only Way.

He is the only salvation.

He is our only hope.

He is our savior.

He is our safety.

 He is our defender.

His name.

His blood.

His cross.

He alone.

Jesus Christ.

Confidence

Cast not away your confidence, for with it is great reward.

Photography by Abigail Williams

Mrs. Karen Wheaton has this saying,
“You never know what’s hidden behind your ‘yes’ and you never know what’s lost behind your ‘no’.”

That statement rings in my ears all the time now,

But a few days ago more than normal.

My friend Makenzie and I were at Chili’s on our long overdue girls day.

As I was eating my lunch, our waitress walked by and filled up my water and I just started talking to her and telling her that she was amazing because she was so friendly and intentional with serving us and she laughed, thanked us and mentioned something about her hand (which was broken and in a cast) and casually proceeded to walk away.

Once she was out of sight I looked at Makenzie and was said, “You thinking what I’m thinking?”

And Mak while laughing says, “Healing?”

And I respond back, “YES!”

She then passes us going to another table and I ask if we can pray with her when she gets a chance, and she says, “Yes, I need prayer for my hand!”

We end up praying for her hand, and she moved her fingers that she couldn’t move before, but still had a cast on and had an appointment that week with the doctor to see if she needed to have surgery on it.

But, on the ride home I couldn’t shake the feeling I had looking down at my meal (since I’m an overcomer of food addiction) and then up at our waitress as she talked about her hand.

It’s crazy how we allow such seemingly small weights to hold us back.

And not only hold us back, but hold back those around us who are waiting for break through.

It’s like Hebrews says in chapter 12,

“Therefore, since we also have such a large cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us lay aside every weight and the sin that so easily ensnares us. Let us run with endurance the race that lies before us, keeping our eyes on Jesus, the source and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that lay before Him endured a cross and despised the shame and has sat down at the right hand of God’s throne.”

I don’t ever want to overlook someone because of my own selfish weights that I refuse to put down.

Had I been bound with condemnation and fear of that issue, I don’t think I would have looked up and seen her nor felt the confidence to approach her and know that my best friend, the Lord Jesus Christ, would heal her.

Friends, the only way I’ve found freedom is by running the race before me with my eyes meeting Jesus’s.  

And He truly is the only source of my freedom.

He is the only source of all freedom.

He’s the best friend I’ve ever had.

Identity Crisis

Who are you really? 

A couple weeks ago I really felt the pull to change majors in the school I’m in.

I had been in Pastoral Leadership and felt the tug to transfer to Performing Arts. 

It was a very intense transition, to say the least.

When I was younger my mom sang this song that has to this day impacted me, it went like this,

“Worship the Lord with your dance, girl. Worship the Lord with your dance.

For He is Holy and worthy to be praised”.

And ever since I started ministry school last year I wanted to do performing arts but knew I had to do Pastoral Leadership, so I went all my first year doing Pastoral Leadership and I was going to do Performing Arts my second year... until this summer when I was asked to be on a ministry team that dances. And I just assumed that all my dancing would be outletted there.

Little did I know that God has something different up His sleeve.

This transition was terrifying.

First of all, I haven’t danced since I was like 10 or 11.

Not with technique anyways.

Not to mention, ballet, was not my forte.

In fact, it was the only genre of dance I couldn't stand dancing to.

I end up switching to Performing Arts.

Standing there, 2 weeks late, in the middle of this perfectly technique-filled choreographed dance...  ballet dance.

I realized I was thrown in with the wolves.

Thrown in the middle of this class, with no skill, two weeks late, and not to mention, I’m a perfectionist. 

I want to know which foot goes where, and when it goes. And maybe even WHY it goes.

My teacher, the most beautiful, free-spirited, quick teacher. Personality type SANGUIN/CHLORIC. Fully.

Me, perfect blend of Chloric/melancholy, aka perfectionist, order, structure, introvert.

= Mental explosion.

1 week goes by and I feel the tension of being lost, not knowing ballet, and slightly freaking out.

Class ends and my teacher, Lindsey, is sitting being so energetic and beautiful teasing with another student, and I walk off stage and she runs up to me being silly and I break down.

LITERALLY. IN TEARS.

And she looks at me and says in the sweetest mommy voice, 

“Ronna. Did you do your best? (Yes ma’am) Then that’s all I want. You’ve never done ballet. And this isn’t easy ballet. It’s okay. Breathe. And if you need, I’ll meet with you individually. It's completely okay.”

And the pressure completely rolled off my back.

So I go home, and tell my roommate what happened.

She looks at me and says, “It reminds me of what you read me last year. The scripture on not comparing yourself.”

Because the girls I’m dancing with, are incredibly flawless ballerinas.

Fast forward about 2 hours.

I’m upstairs in my room, praying, talking to God and I say,

 “God, why do I want to be perfect all the time? What is this about? Why do I get frustrated when trying to learn?”

His response, 

“Because it’s about you being seen.”

My heart felt like it stopped.

I couldn’t believe (but really, I could) how I could be so concerned with myself.

And He goes on to say,

“How would you dance if it was just me and you in the world? How would you dress? How would you do your makeup? How would WE talk? What would it be like if you had no ones quiet time to compare yours to? No one else’s “end product” to determine how you start? What would that be like?”

I began to think about it and an explosion of answers.

“It’d be fearless. We’d talk all the time. I’d dress outlandish. I’d be so free.”

He responds, “That’s who you really are.”

That is my question for you;

What would YOU be like, if "you" had no restrictions?