Christmas Eve

"I thought you looked like Christmas morning."

I love Christmas. 

Many, many reasons.

One, most obviously, because of Jesus.

It's all about Him.

Period.

But two,

because of family.

I have been blessed with the most wonderful family.

Now, we're all human.

We say sarcastic things, get short with one another, roll our eyes, and yell by default.

But at the end of the day, we all regret the comments we let slip, and have to get over ourselves and admit we were wrong. 

A lot.

When really, we all just want someone to hold, someone to hug, someone to kiss, and someone to listen and understand. 

We all want someone that we love and that loves us in return.

In the middle of our ugliest and most beautiful state. 

It's what Christmas is to me, 

At the end of the day, the crazy aunt, the weird uncle, and the annoying cousins really aren't that bad. 

In fact, they are good. 

It may not always seem "enjoyable" at the moment,

but when you look around on Christmas day (or whenever you get together to celebrate) and silence all the noise (because it's always super loud) it kind of looks like a hallmark movie. 

I mean, there are the exceptions, sometimes it looks like "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" or maybe even "Madea's Family Reunion".

But that's what makes it so amazing.

I think sometimes, a lot, we take these crazy people for granted.

I hope this Christmas that you silence the noise and look around to see whatever movie fits your family and realize, they may be crazy, but if you just hug them when they are yelling, you'll just end up laughing and get over the issues that are causing the yelling anyways.

Merry Christmas Eve. 

Outfit:
"Epic Weekend" shirt - H&M
 Black Joggers - Forever 21
Black boot wedges - Steve Madden
Black beanie - Forever 21
Oversized green & black cardigan - Forever 21
Black purse - Betsy Johnson 

Willing

Jesus replied, "You don't understand now what I am doing, but someday you will." 

John 13:7

A couple nights ago my 19 month old nephew was climbing on this little chair and he was trying to get over it and ended up all tangled up in it, and all while watching him I said to his mom, 
“If only he would’ve listened to you, it would’ve been so much easier for him to get off of that”.
And as fast as it came out of my mouth I could hear the Holy Spirit saying it to me. 

How often do I ignore the direction God has given me about something and end up getting stuck and crying for Him to help me in the process?  

How often do we reroute the directions He’s given us and then expect the results His would produce?

Or how often do we end up doing something that He never said to do and complain about how He isn’t showing up to intervene on our behalf?  

I can remember relationships in my life that I knew God didn’t want me in, that I ended up orchestrating my way into, and the aftermath that my disobedience would cause was always a hurt person, because eventually I was so spiritually unsettled I couldn’t be with them anymore.

I’ll never know what opportunity I missed because of disobedience.

Obedience is a simple key that opens so many doors for God to move in.

Think about this; if you would be obedient from the beginning, you would walk right into someone who may be needing healing, and because of you being in the right place at the right time, they would get healed because you listened to the Fathers voice which directed you straight to them.

How often does our disobedience cause opportunity to be put off until another moment?

Father, give us clean hearts that desire obedience, willing spirits to obey, open our ears to hear You speak, and give us Your eyes. We desire to desire You. Let the bones you’ve broken in us rejoice. Those things you’ve asked us to get rid of… help us do away with them. Those places you’ve touched and we’ve jerked back in pain, let us trust Your hand to heal those open wounds. Let us hold those dark places up to You as an offering at Your feet. Expose us and bring us to Your light again. We desire You, and You alone. Give us new hearts. Your heart. 

what do you believe?

"Watch over your heart with all diligence, For from it flow the springs of life."

Proverbs 4:23

My whole life I’ve read quotes, heard sermons, and learned a lot of things about being a leader and/or leadership.

This one quote has dictated a lot about how I see leadership, 

"Crows flock together, but eagles soar alone".

I've always had this idea that there was one major leader, and the rest followers. 

Now, that's true to an extent, but I took it too far.

I believed that being alone was normal for leaders, because they were different and didn't fit in. 

And there is truth to that. 

Leaders are different, but not in a bad way. 

And they don't have to be alone, they should have a team surrounding them. 

Even Jesus had people surrounding Him.

But because I had diagnosed myself and pulled out the leader in myself, I had always just assumed I’d be alone a lot and that it was a part of my calling.

That I wouldn’t really fit in with anyone and that it was okay to be alone.

Until recently.

My school has been doing all night prayer, taking hour shifts and believing for miracles.

And through this season, we’ve all felt this intense processing. 

A deep cleansing it seems. 

Now I’m normally all up for intense processing because I love being healed and exposing things, but this purging... is painful, long lasting, and cutting deep.

But through this month that I've praying, I’ve been challenged on a lot of things I believe.

And one in particular is being a leader and how that looks for me.

The Lord began to show me that there are places in my life that I believed were leadership things, but are really lies I’ve believed that has given me excuses to areas in my life that need growth.

For instance, I didn’t feel the need to go out and be with friends, 

even if I was miserable, 

I would stay home and say, 

“I’m just a leader and leaders are alone a lot, it’s okay”.

In reality, I should’ve been out loving on people, enjoying who God had placed in my life. 

Now obviously you can’t always go out, sometimes you do stay home and do things that you have to do and that’s okay, too.

But learn to recognize the difference from a pretty quote or idea that sounds good and truth.

Not only that, but this issue is deeper than leadership; it’s in every area of life.

What areas are you believing that are truths, but are belief systems you’ve created that are really stunting your growth in doing things that truly matter?

Self-pity

Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.

Photography by Abigail Williams

 

These past few weeks, I’ve been really struggling with old mindsets and I’ve been doing everything I can think of to fix it.

Until one day I realized I’d been looking inside at my own issue for so long that I didn’t even realize I’d missed the whole point of existence.

First, to live unto God and bring Him glory.

That’s a given.

But secondly, for others.

By bringing comfort to those who are mourning.

2 Corinthians 1:3-4 says it so beautifully, 

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.”

And to have breakthrough.

I cannot allow myself to sit and wallow around in my self-pity just to have a “spiritual high”, cry some emotional tears and allow myself to say, “Good quiet time today” when in reality, nothing happened but a pat on the back, and some sweet intimacy with Jesus.

Now, intimacy with Jesus is everything.

PERIOD.

Do it, pray, fast, spend time with the Lord.

But if nothing happened in your quiet time but a pat on the back, then you’ve only seen a tiny piece of the beauty of intimacy and fellowship with the Lord.

He brings healing to our wounds, yes, He speaks and tells us who we are, yes yes yes.

But He also is the creator of EVERYTHING.

Don’t forget that there are people who you are passing at the grocery store, at the mall, at school, everywhere, that need you to pull yourself out of your pity party, fight the good fight of faith, and have breakthrough in whatever it is you're pouting about.

If you’re struggling with sin, okay, repent, sin no more, and start over. 

Don’t allow the enemy to cause you to stay in a mode of defeat.

When you stay there, you allow him to steal your voice.

If your feelings get hurt, talk to the person (kindly and lovingly), apologize (even if it’s not your fault, we’re called to be humble. Get over it.), and start over.

We cannot afford to sit and throw temper tantrums.

We cannot waste time being idle in our lack of controlled emotions.

That is emotional complacency.

Complacency means to be “self-satisfied”.

It is selfish to be satisfied there.

Now there are obvious moments, like in mourning when someone passes to take time to heal, God even talks about it. 

“There is a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance”.

Ecclesiastes 3:4

But even then, don’t stay there.

Don’t get stuck.

People around you need you.

I think sometimes we become so consumed with our own problems, that if we stopped and actually looked around at those around us, our problems would grow extremely dim.

The only reason they appear so big to us, is because like Karen Wheaton says, 

"What we meditate on we believe".

Struggling with self-hate, eating disorders, pornography, etc, becomes extremely small when capturing God’s heart for those around us.

When you’re doing the will of the Father, even food becomes irrelevant.

“Jesus said to them, “My food is to do the will of him who sent me and to accomplish his work. Do you not say, ‘There are four yet months, then comes the harvest’? Look, I tell you, lift up your eyes, and see that the fields are white for harvest.”

John 4:34-35

Lift up your eyes, see Him, and see them.