Following

"You know all those things you always wanted to do. 

You should go do them."

 

 

 

Its been an interesting thing reading through the book of Job.

If I’m being honest its been very conflicting to a lot of things I’ve seen/experienced/heard. 

Growing up I’ve always kind of followed the phraseology that “if something doesn’t work out, it must not be God’s will". Or “If this is blessed and working smoothly, it must be His will.”

Until a couple weeks ago when a friend and I were driving down the road and he mentioned something about going in with a family member to start some business they had been talking about for years. He mentioned how it was a huge risk but how they always wanted to do it and how if it crashes and burns then it must just not be God’s will. 

I agreed and then kinda felt some kick back. Then it kinda hit me, I don’t think thats actually true. I mentioned to him what I felt and he was like, that's so true. 

How often we just assume something hard isn’t Gods will.

The gospel, if anything depicts that following Jesus leads to ultimate peace. 

But ultimate peace in the midst of ALL parts of life.

Ultimate peace in the midst of complete chaos. 

Ultimate peace in the midst of sufferings, shipwreck, persecutions, mocking, miracles, blessings, martyrdom, beautiful friendships, betrayal of friendship, hard friendships, internal reflection, and a weighing of the most important things.

Peace, not from things going exactly as planned, but peace because Jesus’s name is Prince of Peace and He is Emmanuel, God WITH us.

The gospel is so much more than “a new car”, and a life full of Americanized blessings.

I am so thankful for nice things, for a job, for a car to drive.. and specifically a car I picked/wanted.

I am thankful for the options and variety of food we have to choose from.

For running water, of any temperature we desire, for water to drink. 

I am so thankful.

But blessings are not a sign from God saying “I approve this.”

And obstacles aren’t a sign from God saying “I disapprove of this.”

For a long time I’ve always been one who didn’t realize I thought like that, but I definitely wasn’t going to fight the “signs” I felt I was experiencing.

But we have to stop following the signs and start listening to His voice.

And I fully believe God definitely intervenes when you pray His will be done in your life.

And I believe He speaks clearly and affirms in little ways that speak to you.

But I don’t think He’s going to speak in a billboard something He hasn’t said straightforward in a sentence. 

He has a voice, and He speaks.

He has eyes and He sees. He has ears and he hears. 

His mouth isn’t just for looks. He speaks. And His word says that His children would hear His voice and a strangers they wouldn’t not follow. 

Peace is a promise.

Obstacles are also a promise.

And His presence is a promise.

His Word says that He will never leave nor forsake you.

Without

"I hope that at the heart of whatever you are looking for;

you find Jesus there."

Today I got my oil changed with my mum. 

While we waited for some chairs to open up (because they were so busy), we sat outside on the sidewalk just enjoying talking and when the chairs opened up inside, we came in and were sitting there laughing and cutting up as we normally do.

After an hour of waiting, it ended up being just me and my mom and the two other fella’s who were working inside.

My mom had just grabbed her keys, paid, and walked out and now I was paying for mine.

Out of the blue, one of the older gentleman that was working, who hadn’t been very talkative because he was working asked me a question. 

He said, “Have you and your mom always been so close?”

To which I was so taken off guard and was like, 

“Yeah, she’s my bestfriend. Her and my dad both”.

He continued by saying, “Have y’all always been this close or did you guys ever have any hard times?”

I was thinking about my mom and I’s relationship and was thinking how crazy it was to have such an interesting question asked.

I didn’t even know what to say because all that was running through my head was how my mom and I’s relationship has been pretty great since forever. 

Now, we had arguments and whatnot. But when we did, we instantly felt convicted, apologized or further explained our side, and then watched Dr. Phil or a hallmark movie like normal. 

Yet, in that moment all I could think about was how it was only because of God that we had such a great relationship.

Conviction is such a gift from Holy Spirit to guide us into repentance and then to bring reconciliation between us and God (and even the person on the other end of whatever it is.)

Without Jesus, conviction is kicked against (for the majority) and mowed over until the conscience is seared and a response is no longer considered.

Because Jesus is the truth (He is the way, the Truth, and the Life. John 14:16)

Without Him, truth is relative. 

So how I respond isn’t led by love, it doesn’t have a standard to hold me up to.

It’s just whatever happens, happens. 

It’s the “follow whatever feels right” quote.

Without Jesus, my response doesn’t have the Word of God to lead me, but what does lead; is my emotions, my circumstances, the car in front of me that cut me off, the food I got that was terrible, the boy that I liked who dumped me, the etc, etc, etc.

If I didn’t have Jesus, I wouldn’t know that dying to myself feels like living.

If I didn’t have Jesus, I wouldn’t know that admitting I was wrong, makes me right.

Maybe not “right” in opinion, but in “right standing” with whomever I admitted my wrongs to. 

If I didn’t have Jesus, I wouldn’t know that loving myself doesn’t come from acceptance from constant changing things around me but front a constant standing Father who said from the beginning that He chose me.

If I didn’t have Jesus, I wouldn’t know how to love people when things are really hard.

Without Jesus, life is bleak, painful, and empty. Sure, there a small moments of happiness, but theres not lasting joy even in deep struggles. Theres not a reason to hope in the middle of excruciating pain. 

In the middle of abuse, loss, rejection, abandonment theres nothing to cling to. Relationships aren’t worth fighting for, brokenness isn’t worth admitting, and purity isn’t rewarded but mocked. 

Without Jesus, having a relationship with your mom is hard. 

But with Jesus, I’ve learned to embrace the hard moments and do my best to lean in to whatever He's teaching me in the moment, even if the embracing looks like crying. 

Sometimes embracing following Jesus is hard, but it's so worth it. 

“I have learned to kiss the waves that throw me up against the Rock of Ages.”

Charles Spurgeon

Deliverer

“We pursue obedience to Christ, but our hope is not in our obedience.”

Jerry Bridges

My deliverer.

It was so dark, so, so dark. My thoughts were deafening, so much empty noise. From the sunrise to the next sunrise my thoughts wrapped their claws around my faith and decided to wage war with my freedom.

The war on my faith was waged. 

Whether from my own disfunction/past and addictive what-have-yous, or whatever your reasoning being, I was standing face to face with this giant.

Everything I hated, I did and everything I desired to do, I couldn’t. 

Self-control is a vital fruit of the Spirit that you take for granted until you feel it being attacked.

I had lost all confidence. 

Stripped down to a little girl trapped by an addiction I couldn’t get a grip on. 

I couldn’t conjure up enough self control to fight for freedom. 

But then something happened, I can’t even recall the date on when it happened, but it happened.

The One who reaches His hand into the darkest places of my being.. with the most gentle touch, He carried me. 

He reached into that place, and answered my pleas for deliverance.

I had read all of these blogs, listened to tons of sermons, went to every altar call, and got everyone I knew to pray.

But no one, no book, no song, no sermon, no thing could deliver me.   

And thats what this blog is about.

Its about the fact that you can sit in a church building all day and still be cold as a stone.

You can listen to every sermon you can get your hands on, and still be numb.

You can have therapy sessions with your girls day after day, but the plaguing darkness cannot be lifted until you have encountered the True Deliverer.

“He said: “The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; 3 my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation. He is my stronghold, my refuge and my savior— from violent people you save me.” 2 Samuel 23:2-3

He. Is. the. Deliverer.

To be delivered, you have to encounter the Deliverer. 

You cant sit in His presence and commune with Him and not feel the sweet conviction of Holy Spirit lay His hands on those things that stand in His place.

Those things that are holding you captive, those thoughts plaguing your mind, those lies binding you, those fears blinding you, those things lose their place when in His midst.

“Then he said to me, "This is what the LORD says to Zerubbabel: It is not by force nor by strength, but by my Spirit, says the LORD of Heaven's Armies.”

Zech. 4:6

My own arm was too short to reach for my deliverance, but His hand was not too short to deliver me. (Is. 59:1)

In the midst of my chaos, even today, He is the great deliverer. 

Job 38-39 has been the voice I hear. He is all-knowing. He is the deliverer. 

And He has come to deliver. 

Appearing harmless

“You missed it”

“You’re just receiving the consequences of your past”

“Your sins are finally catching up to you”

“You’ll never be taken care of.”

“You’re a failure and will never be able to face this”

“God’s punishing you for your decisions”

“Gods punishing you.”

“God doesn’t care what the outcome is.”

“Why would He step in, you did this to yourself.”

The war in your mind can be the heaviest battle you face.

From the flightiness of your flesh, to the up and down of emotions,

To the lies that sound scarily true, and the voices in your head that you aren’t sure whose they are.

Our minds are a daunting place without the Holy Spirit to reveal the truth.

I can’t imagine a day without His leading.

Even days with His leading… sometimes are still hard.

As a follower of Jesus, I have been raised in “truths”.

Truths that are: 

God loves me, that He wants the best for me, and that He is good.

And my entire life the battle has waged against those truths.

From the struggle of fitting in in grade school, the struggle of body image, the struggle of relationships and the rejection that follows, and then the struggle of honesty with myself has been a very weighty thing to carry.

I’m not sure if it’s just my personality or if other people also have the desire to have it all together. All I know is it is a very heavy thing to face with someone, let alone by yourself.

I am absolutely not the best at relationships, romantic and platonic.

But, I am good at being self-aware.

Even if it takes me kicking, screaming, and denying it along the way to get to truth.

I am good at minimizing real issues, casting blame, and playing it off when I’m rejected as not caring and/or like it wasn’t my fault.

It’s a scary thing to not know that you can shut down and be cold without being aware that you’re even doing it.

When I write, sometimes it’s all at once and sometimes it takes days or weeks to put into words what I’m thinking/going through.

This blog, I wrote part of it and had to step away and a couple days later at a small group someone made a statement that was one of these exact questions I put at the beginning of this blog, just with different wording.

It was “why me?”

And instantly after having a small snippet of how that was just the enemy assaulting God to me earlier in the week, I saw it happening to a friend of mine too.

It boiled in me. I was so angry. I couldn’t believe what I had just seen without even knowing the words to express how I felt.

Sometimes I can be off, way off. And just mean, honestly.

No love or sympathy at all.

I don’t mean to be, but in this moment I was angry. I didn’t understand until that night after group when I began to file out what was going on internally.

I wasn’t mad at her.

But at the fact that the enemy was lying to her.

And it wasn’t just that, but he was challenging her belief of Gods character and deceiving her. He was distracting her from truth with a lie.

As much as saying, “Why me” appears innocent and like the focal point is "me", it’s really a twisted belief that says, “God is a punisher and is more concerned to harm me than to fight for me.”

Not that consequences aren’t a real thing that we face naturally, spiritually, and even physically. And that consequences happen because of our decisions/choices. But the mentality of defeat isn’t legal in the gospel of Jesus Christ.

The mentality of shame, guilt, and defeat isn’t for believers.

Jesus swallowed up shame, guilt, and defeat Himself on the cross.

You ARE accepted by God the Father

Romans 8:15 in the Passion Translation says, “And you did not receive the “spirit of religious duty”, leading you back into the fear of never being good enough.

But YOU have received the “Spirit of full acceptance,” enfolding you into the family of God. And you will NEVER feel orphaned, for as he rises up within us, our spirits join him in saying the words of tender affection, “Beloved Father!”.

Condemnation is NOT for His children.

Romans 8:1 PT “So now the case is close. There remain NO accusing voice of condemnation against those who are joined in life-union with Jesus, the Anointed One”

I can’t imagine being separated from Jesus in everyday life.

Meeting everyday with people at work.

People whom I have amazing conversations with and get to sit and peer into a small piece of their lives. They share their love life, their heartaches, their dreams, their jobs, their kids, and sometimes even their struggles.

And vice versa.

I cannot imagine carrying the weight of the world without Jesus to lay my thoughts and burdens on.

Its heavy enough in moments where we forget and think “why me?”

But I’m sweetly reminded by Holy Spirit a few minutes later that He is good, always wants the best for me, and is truly a loving Father.

God loves you more than you can imagine.

Romans 5:8 “God shows His love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us."